Pain
by yaoi coveness
Summary: An old fic I'm re-posting for a friend.


Ok first off I don't know why I wrote this. I have just had this scene stuck in my head for so long I needed to put it down. I hope you enjoy what has come from my sick twisted mind. So please enjoy my new story.

Warnings: langue, sex, rape.

Pairings: Well you have to read to find out.

Rating: Nc-17 enjoy (not my best but it will do for this plot)

**Pain**

It hurt when they pushed the blade past the first layer of skin. The blood gushing and oozing from the small cut. Why did it have to hurt? Now I can feel nothing but emptiness. Why did they do it to me? I was young and innocent.

I hear the call of the present and it brings me back to the here and now. I watch as the figure across the room rolls over in his sleep. I look at the clock, 4am. No wonder he is still sleeping. I slowly get up and walk to the shower. I turn the water on and pull on of my blades with me.

The blood drips from my body and down the drain, along with the icy water that is assaulting my body. It looks so pure and simple. The deep red mixing with the clear and becoming some new colour. I feel a burden lift from my shoulders as my blood pours down the pipes to some unseen place.

I walk out and into the kitchen. I never eat any more. Why should I? I have no need to unlike the other. I sit at the table and sip on my coffee. I look over at my lap-top. I know what awaits me there. I don't want to see it, but I know I will have to some time. For now though I am going to pretend they didn't hurt me and that I am a normal person who can actually feel something. Hell anything.

I open the lap-top up and read the orders given. Simple. Why should we bother anymore, we aren't achieving anything. I go to wake up the other, our plane leaves in an hour and a half.

"Wake up Baka, we have to go."

"Mhugh………mmmm, Why?"

"Because a mission came in and we have to leave now."

"Mmmmmmm" I watch him grown and roll off the bed and land with a loud thud.

Another mission completed. Why do I bother? I know he can do it on his own, but I go anyways.

I sit in the dark corner of the room. I can hear the others laugh below me. I know I don't have the guts to join them. I want to, but what do I have to say? All I know is warfare and pain. What kind of conversation can I hold with them? They have hopes and dreams, I have the darkness inside.

I sit in the glow of the computer and pull out my blade. One slash and more blood hits the floor. And I feel something. It's a wonderful feeling, to feel. Why can't I feel other things? I feel tired and weak from blood loss. I have to stop cutting so often or one day I'm just not going to get up.

I barely make it to my bed before falling into it. It, unlike the others is welcoming. I feel a small amount of safety and warmth. I sleep for hours, but when I wake I don't feel rested.

Another mission. I am to go alone, I am to be take hostage and gather the information. One of the others will come and get me out. I hope it's my baka. I love watching him work. I love being near him.

I feel some one hit me across the back of the head and I fall forward onto the cold ground. I wake. The room is dark and I am bond to the wall. Normally I can bend the steel, but I feel so very weak. I can tell, they've drugged me. I look around, but I can't see any one. I can hear them though.

Soon the door opens. All I can think is that is better be one of the others. Nope. I can hear them talking about me, but my brain can't understand what it is they are saying. I mean I know the words, they just mean nothing. Suddenly they walk over to me and unlock me from the wall. I feel drowsy. I feel one of them slap me.

"Wake up you fucking bitch." Why the hell is he calling me that? Wait. NoNoNoNo.

One leans down and kisses me. I think of biting him, but he has my jaw in his hand so I can't. I give in and allow him to kiss me. I can feel his hand move down my body. I feel it brush the hem of my shorts and pull down. I am exposed and my attacker seems very aware of it. His hand brushes my cock and smiles when It responds. Oh why couldn't I have learned to control that to? I can make it so nothing hurts, and I can't fix that problem. And it does become a big problem, especially when my baka is around.

Oh god what now. I feel him enter me. I scream, but I still can't move. It feels like he is splitting me in half. So much pain. Oh god. It's over. He's done. So why am I still here like this? What Owe. Another man comes up to me and does the same thing. And now another. Why won't they just leave me alone? Am I crying? Damn body. Always betraying me. I can hear them, well more importantly I can understand them.

They are talking to me. "See little one, if you play nice we don't have to hurt you." What do they mean hurt me? I've never felt more pain in my life. Nothing in training could have prepared me for what they just did. "We'll see you again soon." They walk away laughing.

I look around in my predicament. Some where along there happy fucks I lot my shirt. My shorts are long gone too. My shoes are, well, I can barely look at my feet I am so sore. Well I'll be damned they left them on. Wow. Now I can run, I laugh to myself, yeah right.

I can barely keep my eyes open any more. I close them just to let them rest. When I open them again it is because oh a loud noise. I startle awake I to see the door open. Yes. It's my baka. Why is he looking at me like that? Oh right, I have nothing on and am most likely bleeding, or close to blood. I am too tired to care.

"What happened to you?"

"They had some fun." I half joke and laugh, but my lunges give and I double over coughing. "Some help?"

I watch him look around for my cloths. Well he found them, great. Crap. They aren't in one piece any more. I look at him. I am in so much pain. I feel him string his arms around my body as he lifts me onto his back and carry me out. I feel cold air, but nothing more, until we get in a car and he drives. I am still so tired. I close my eyes again.

I look around; the room I'm in seems nice. I look down on my body. All of my cuts have been bandaged and I have been clothed. Well more or less. A white shirt that is far too big that buttons down the front. It is comfortable though. I move to get up. "Ahhhh!!!!" I cry out. Well I guess I'm not going to get up.

I hear rapid foot steps approach the door before it is flung open. "Are you alright?"

"No your baka. What do you think?"

"Sorry. I heard you yell. How do you feel?"

"I'm not sure yet. How long was I sleeping?"

"Two days. Not long. We are going to be staying in this safehouse for a while, well until you are better."

"We? Does that mean you are going to be staying here with me?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad"

"You're what?"

"I'm glad. You are the only one I would ever consider trusting with seeing me like this so, so..."

"Vulnerable?"

"Yes."

"Well thank you. I'm glad to."

"Why?"

"It means I get to spend more time with you." I smile. He's so good for making others feel better.

"Thanks. You don't know what that means to me." We both smile and then he moves to help me lie down farther on the soft pillows.

He takes care of me for over two weeks now. I am feeling better and so close to him. He told me he loved me. How do I react to that? No one has ever said that they love me. I feel so safe here lying in his arms. He smells so sweet. I love him so much. But that one thought won't go away. 'I don't disserve him. Not after what happened to me, not after what I have done.'

"What are you thinking about koi?"

"Mmm. You."

"Well……mmmm" He leans down and kisses the top of my head. "Let's see if we can make you think of something else." I can see his devilish smile without looking.

"And what might this something else be?"

"Let me show you." His hand comes up and gently tilts my head up and he leans down to kiss me full on the lips. His hands gingerly move down my body. I want him to never stop touching me. I allow him to move so that he is over me. I look up at him and suddenly I'm back in that room with those men again. He must see the panic in my eyes because he flips us so I'm on top. I am in that same white shirt again. I like it. I feel his hands rub up my thighs towards there goal.

There. He brushes the head with his thumb. "Oh that's not fair." I tell him.

"Hummmmm. I guess not koi." With that his sits up slightly and pulls his shirt off and lies back down. "Happy?"

"Mmmm. Not yet."

He lets out a laugh and sends shock waves through my erection. I can feel his pushing into the back of me. I let my hands wonder up to the hem of his pants and undo the zipper. I pull them off and look down at my prize. I slide back and look at his beautiful body. I kneel between his legs and look up at him to make sure this is what he wants to. He smile and I grab the lube from the night stand and begin to prepare my soon to be lover.

Soon he is ready and pushing back. I slather some onto my now painful erection and as gently as I can push into his tight body. Wow. Now I know why they wanted to this to me. I never want to leave. I slowly start to pump in and out of his warm body.

Soon we are going fast and his erection is pleading to be touched. I reach down and pump him in time with me. We cum together. I want to stay with him forever. I collapse down on him and we soon fall asleep.

I can't sleep for long. I keep thinking. 'This is why they did it to me, why am I doing it to him? He disserves better than me. Why does he want me? Why did I just do that? Now he is corrupted. I filled him. I am dirty.'

I look towards the bathroom. I look and get up. I walk with out me knowing into the room. I turn on the lights and water, but I don't get in. I could make everything alright for him right now.

I lift the blade and in one swift motion I bring it down onto my arm. The blood comes, but it's not enough. I slit the other wrist and watch it all pour out. I feel the tears forming in my eyes.

I hear him coming to the door. As soon as I see his face I can't old back the tears any longer and they come forth in buckets. I look down at my bleeding wrists. I bring them up for him to see what I've done. I see the shock in his eyes.

All of a sudden my world goes black and I feel myself falling. I say two words before it takes me over. "Sorry Duo."

I hear him call me back as he shakes my body. "Heero. Heero come back to me. Please Heero don't die."

In truth I don't think I was ever living. So how can I die? I feel him shake my body and feel him kiss me. Why am I not dead? I lie there wondering. Dieing slowly, listening to my love cry.

I can only think one thing. 'Maybe love is stronger, maybe I will live for him.'

Owari

Notes: Sorry I didn't know how else to finish. Should I write a sequel? Should I tell you what happens? I need reviews to tell me.

Sorry for this Jade, please don't send me letter bombs. I'll write a nice happy p.w.p. for you I promise, Hell I'll do it for you all. Thanks for reading.

Thorn


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